本月,www.buzzfeed.com的澳洲版刊登了一篇令人捧腹同时引人深思的文章——《华裔移民后代的22大特征》(22 Signs You Grew Up With Immigrant Chinese Parents)。任何一种概括总结都有不足之处,这篇文章自然也不例外。但不论准确与否,它至少能博君一笑。
1.你的成绩单与你朋友的成绩处于不同的分级系统中:A只是一般般;B代表低于期望;C意指不准吃晚餐;如果是D,那别回家了;F?还是
去找个新家吧!
Your school report card had a different grading scale to your friends'.
2.你吃过好多美味可口的中国菜,却根本不知道该怎么做,因为你妈妈从来不准你进厨房。
You ate a LOT of delicious Chinese cooking over the years but don't know how to cook any of it because your mum never let you in the kitchen.
3.外面的鞋子绝对不可以穿到家里。
Absolutely no outside shoes were worn in the house.
4.从小到大,你坚定地认为世界上只有三种职业:医生、律师、会计师!(告诉你一个事实:澳洲现在有240万名亚裔人,也即占总人口的12%,而20%的医生却都是亚裔。)
You grew up believing there were only three career options available: doctor, lawyer and accountant.*
5.遇到挫折时,你从来不会得到很多的同情,取得成就时,也不会得到多少的赞赏。
You never received much sympathy for your problems nor praise for your accomplishments.
6.当你兴高采烈时,你的父母会很快地给你泼一盆冷水。
And whenever you were excited by something your parents were quick to throw some cold water over it.
7.你小时候的照片中一定有一张是齐留海的发型。
22 Signs You Grew Up With Immigrant Chinese Parents
8.在你还是学生时,家长反对你谈恋爱,可是一毕业,家长就会突然变了个样,惊讶地问你:“你怎么会还没有男/女朋友?!”
9.当你总算有了对象后,你最好保佑他/她不是以下3种人中的一种:1.其他种族;2.同性;3.艺术家。
10.你从小就被送去学小提琴、钢琴,或二样都学。你父母会一直督促你练习,可当你真的想要成为专业的音乐家时,你的父母却会吓到魂飞魄散。
When you were young you played the violin, or the piano, or both. Your parents constantly harangued you to practice, then freaked out when you floated the idea of becoming a professional musician.
11.你不是在学校,就是诸如Kumon一类的补习班,再不就是在父母的中餐厅里帮忙。不知道还有谁比你更惨。
12.必修课:数学、数学、数学!选修课:戏剧、体育和宗教。
Compulsory: Math, Math & Math. Voluntary: Drama, PE & Religion.
13.你父母学习各种最新潮科技的能力简直令人恐惧,而这只是为了能有更多的渠道联系到你。
Your parents displayed an almost scary ability to adopt every new piece of technology that came out over the years. Basically more channels to get in touch with you.
14.你与全球最佳、最无意识的环保人士住在一起。他们将“再利用、维修和循环利用”的口号提升到了一个新的水平。
You lived with the world's best unintentional environmentalists. They took the words "reuse, repair, recycle" to a new level.
15.你会惊奇地表现,在你白人朋友家的冰箱里竟然放满了诸如Camembert和Brie一类的奶酪。而你的朋友在你家冰箱里发现榴莲时,想必也不会太高兴。
You were amazed to discover the families of your white friends had cheeses like Camembert and Brie in the fridge. Your friends were not similarly delighted to be introduced to the stink bomb in your fridge called durian.
16.在打包行李时,你妈妈总要插手帮忙。她总是会往里塞几条一次性内裤,外加足够一个家庭吃一个月的各种食物。
Your mum always interfered with your packing. Usually armed with a pair of disposable undies and enough food to feed a family for a month.
17.你父母极少带你去海边玩耍,而就算去了,他们也会从头包到脚,而且对吃海鲜远比去游泳更感兴趣。
The few times your parents took you to the beach, they sweated away covered in head to toe, and were far more interested in eating seafood than swimming.
18.你父母爱死了叫作保鲜膜和铝箔纸的东西。
Your parents had a love affair with plastic wrap and tin foil.
19.你父母和亲戚们在家庭聚会时会毫不客气地评论你的体重。
20.在周六的中文学校里,你总会发现有那么一两个比你年轻得多的白人小孩,而且他们的中文好得甩你几条街。
Your Saturdays were spent at Chinese school where there was always a white kid or someone much younger than you whose Chinese kicked your ass.
21.当你第一次去中国时,你会发现,比起中国的同龄人,你跟澳洲的俄裔、希腊裔、菲律宾裔同龄人以及其他种族的移民同龄人拥有更多的共同话题。
You went to China for the first time and realised that in many ways, you have more in common with Australia's Russian kids, Greek kids, Filipino kids and other children of migrants than you do with Chinese Chinese kids.
22.长大后,你才会慢慢地发现,父母对你的严加管教只是他们生活在一个陌生国家的紧张情感的自然流露。
And that as you grow older you finally see their tough love approach was the natural default for nervous parents living in a strange country.
而他们只是希望你能过上安稳而成功的生活。那种生活是他们自己没法实现,或“吃了太多苦头”才最终拥有的生活。他们或许很严厉,但那仍是爱!
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